Memoirs of a Budget Mum

Mother to five, parent in progress and occasional kitchenista cookerella

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Keep Calm & Mother On

It is nearly 13 years ago since I became a mother. 

That feels like a very long time. It probably is. It feels like I had a sudden past life which doesn’t really seem to exist anymore…and an alter ego. It’s hard to explain, but if you’re a mom right here reading this, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

Sometimes that alter ego makes you want to do wild and crazy things, like go undercover, escape on a plane or hatch a rendezvous escapade that involves a swanky beach hat, a divan and a martini, doing nothing but twiddling your manicured toes.

You need to feel sizzling hot again…and not because you’re slaving at the stove and hanging out the clothes in freaking 35 degree weather. You wish you could wear those stretch marks like a tattoo and not have be conscious of the jiggling jelly fat under your arms.

It doesn’t help matters that you still feel like a girl in disguise…you remember those young, carefree days but now you’ve got to up your game. You have to try to exercise every good muscle of patience and virtuous living.

This “motherhood” module feels like one of the most difficult modules to get an “A” on.  There’s no real textbook or manual and you can truly only learn from Experience- which is the “mother” of hindsight. 

The hardest thing about motherhood is being wise. Or at least acting like you are. When you’re in corporate Mom gear, you get into business and do your job; pull a serious face, give orders and tend to official pressing matters concerning  little people. Every single day. 

These people are hard to please; they bicker, compare, complain and push your boundaries incessantly. Yet, that get away with mostly everything in your books. Yes, you’re probably biased.

Motherhood is such hard work it feels crazy. It’s also a little cheesy-especially when you make a fool of yourself to squeeze out those cherubic giggles that make every second worth it. 

You also didn’t know you had it in you to be a drama queen; to snort silly animal sounds and scream like a rockstar in the 120 decibel range when you step on Lego.

As a mom, I’ve got my clowning act together, and also my juggling one. Somehow these routines get more and more complicated as the years go by and the best way to deal with it is really to have a very, very, very good sense of humor. 

You also need to have a bad memory. So you don’t have to kick yourself hard in the foot when you make stupid mistakes or say stupid things that you regret the moment you utter it. Tomorrow will always be better somehow. And in the worst  scenarios, there’s always chocolate and ice cream. 

Also in your Motherhood Survival Kit, should be the notion that this life, is THE best life. Here. Now. Tantrums. Spills. Messy. Sleep deprived. We are not going to start wishing it away because deep in our hearts we know that this thing called Motherhood–we wouldn’t trade it for the world. It’s probably one of the best things that ever came our way. 

BASF Kid’s Lab 2017 is back! -Explore the Wonders of Chemistry with hands-on experiments!

Media Invite

Over the years, the BASF Kids’ Lab program has been reaching out to children all over the world and this year is no exception- this will be their 20th year in fact! 

Our family has always looked forward to Kids Lab sessions! 

Little scientists ready to rock and roll!

It checks all our boxes for good family fun: free activity (check), educational (check), fun (check) and hands-on and engaging (check)! 
I mean how often do the kids get a chance to get all decked out in lab gear and goggles, and mess around like it’s their job to!!

Our session was conducted at BASF’s new and very swanky learning campus near One North. The learning campus, formerly a series of old colonial houses, is now a quaint precinct oozing with old-new world charm and flanked by lush greenery all round! Very nice. 

Pano view of the grounds


BASF Kid’s Lab adopts a family-friendly approach with its signature hands-on learning of simple chemistry experiments pitched at an easily-digestible level to young children and suiting multiple learning styles! 

This year the highlight will centre on  two experiments: 

  1.  Poly Lab: children will discover the properties of plastics, and design a kit to separate and recycle plastics, and find out more about the amazing “corn starch” solution! Through hands-on experiments, they will find out how we can use and make plastics in a more environmentally friendly manner
  2. Colorful Butterfly: making use of materials available at home and applying simple science theories, children will be designing their own colorful butterfly.

Here’s what we love: 

  1. Clear and Simple Steps: We love it that for all experiments, instructions are laid out clearly and simply enough for children to follow with laminated instructions. It’s truly the kids that take ownership for what they are doing and adults can take a step back and let the kids play scientist. 
  2. Recording Observations: Each table is manned by friendly lab assistants who guide the children to record their predictions and observations before and after the experiments and direct the children to uncover key learning points at every stage of exploration! 


Experiment 1: Polylab

In the first experiment, Poly Lab, the children were briefed on the different types of plastics (plastic bags, cups, bottles) in our immediate environment: 

They were then led to separate different coloured plastic beads. 

After adding some salt, the black beads floated to the surface of the water. Kids found out through this that different plastics have different properties! 

Little scientists recording her observations

Next, the kids dabbled in the “amazing corn starch” experiment which hopes to point them to future renewable substitutes for plastic.  

The corn starch solution feels very dense yet malleable…a future plastic substitute!

Experiment 2: Colourful Butterfly

This colorful experiment involves red cabbage and is wonderful for younger kids. The kids were instructed to rub the cabbage dye onto the paper butterfly and see the effect of water, lemon juice and soap solution on it! 

Different liquids yielded different colours! I won’t burst the bubble here to tell you what the result was because you really have to get your child a slot in to find out! 

BASF 2017: Sign up Now! 

BASF Kids Lab 2017 is now open for registration. 

These are the details: 

Who: Kids 7-12year olds 

When: June 6-11 2017(Tuesday to Sunday)

Time: 10.15am, 11.45am, 2.15pm, 3.45pm (1 hr 15min per session) 

Where: Programme zone, Jurong Regional Library 

To register:

 1. Go to NLB website 

 2. Search for event: BASF Kids Lab

Good things must share!!! 

Cooking for the Village

Cooking for a large family has always been such a whirl. It always starts with a fluster of inspiration from surfing Pinterest and saving one too many news feeds of Tasty videos. This is followed by the random mad impulse to visit the supermarket to scour for good deals. Usually the Man (my endearingly patient hubby) strategically grabs a basket….with the not so subtle intention to ahem, keep me in line and give me “perimeters” for spending.

Other than that, here’s what we usually do to keep homecooking on a budget:

1. Visit good quality supermarkets for reduced items. Just today we flashed by Cold Storage and nabbed some half -priced buys of chicken, flower crab and portabellos. Usually, the reduce have day after use-by dates so one really has to be prepared to whip up something the day itself or the next day. Sometimes if you’re lucky, you get stuff that hold out for longer. Just remember to check when they are due and work your meals around it!

2. Look in your fridge and work with what you already have. Remember, half the time we over-buy and over-stock as we forget what we have in our pantry. It’s the same with fresh produce. Check in with what u already have and Google their pairings. There could be recipes you never thought existed. Today, I had an epiphany while staring at the miso tub in my fridge and its remaining shelf life. Typically miso goes in soup but garlic and miso is an ingenious pairing and when used as a marinade on chicken, is an absolute recipe keeper. The pictures speak for themselves!

3. Think of ways to extend the meal. Plan to use every item/part of the cooking process well. Some days ago, I bought mint leaves which I used in a tzatziki dip. I rolled over the remaining leaves in some vietnamese rice rolls the next day. Today’s winning miso chicken dish was also dutifully extended. The chicken and miso juices left in the pan were fully absorbed by the lovely Daiso udon noodles I boiled specially for our carbo-nivores.

This is tonight’s complete Japanese Fusion Weekend pig out: Garlic Miso Chicken, absolutely delectable in that garlicky saltiness. Cucumber Wakame Seaweed Salad, a 5 minute refreshing sweet sour crunch to cut through the oil and udon that’s soaks up the delicious juices and layered with furikake and seaweed.

Here’s the modified recipe just for those of you who would like to feed a village ?

Garlic Miso Chicken (adapted fr Feeds 10 pax


Parts of chicken (I used 6 thighs and 6 drums)

1 bulb of garlic, finely minced

4 Tbsp. Miso – I used white miso

3 Tbsp. soy sauce

3 Tbsp. mirin

1 Tbsp. sugar

1. Prick the chicken with a fork. Combine minced garlic with miso, add soy sauce, mirin, sugar in a bowl and stir into a marinade. Rub it over the chicken and set it to marinade in the fridge for at least three hours.

2. Set to broiler mode, 180degrees in the oven for 50minutes, turning the chicken midway. Keep an eye on chicken towards the end to estimate doneness.

Cucumber Wakame Salad…/


Flat udon noodles. $2 a pack from Daiso. Boil noodles till al dente. Throw into juices in pan and sprinkle furikake to taste. Top with crispy seaweed(optional)

Getting The Kids Involved at Home – A Labour Day Post!

It’s Labour Day today and I really had no intention of timing this follow-up post specially to coincide with it. However, since Labour Day is the only day this harried mama enjoys some downtime to expound on how we do chores in this family—it’s probably a sign that the heavens are in agreement!

I used to cringe at home management. For someone organizationally and administratively challenged like me, I genuinely shuddered at the thought of setting up a spreadsheet for everyone’s chores…AND maintaining it.

It sounded like I was setting myself up for failure: when things are put in a box within a scheduled time and you didn’t manage to put a check on it, it just wears you down slowly but surely and soon you’ll discover that you’re in a rut.

Because of that, I literally dumped the idea of having a chore roster and chose to implement chores  according to the flow of what we were doing that day:  whether our day was a fluid one (running groceries, after-school activities) or a structured one (lots of seatwork), we tried to impress on the children to render help where it was needed. The idea was to simply invite the children to be involved in age-appropriate tasks/ chores as we went along. It went with the grain of simply encouraging them to be helpful! If you’re organizationally-phobic like me, there’s hope! 

I discussed my chore philosophy in this earlier post but to sum it up, we felt teaching children to become cooperative members of a household is one of the best ways to teach them responsibility that would naturally lead to them being caring and considerate adults. 

So how do we go about the process of assigning chores? 


Firstly, hubby and I believe that girls and boys alike should do chores. There’s not really a need for differentiation at this point.

 Essentially, boys who learn to help at home and do household jobs will eventually grow into men who contribute actively in the household and ready to partner their wives through seasons of life—which goes a long way into making marriages work! All moms say “Yes!” Their future wives will thank you! 

Boys need not be taught to do only typically “manly” tasks such as “cutting grass, and taking out the garbage.” Author Anne Roiphe puts it in more dramatic terms: If we raise boys to know that diapers need to be changed and refrigerators need to be cleaned, there’s hope for the next generation.”


While learning the alphabet and learning to read are important, knowing how to run the laundry, make the bed, dusting and basic kitchen work are also skills sets that are equally laudable. 

The former are milestones while the latter are not  milestones per se but habits of the mind! Unlike milestones, which focus on achieving a certain skill,  good habits need to be cultivated and reinforced through time and practiced over and over till they stick.


It may be surprising to some parents but many young children can do lots of helping around the house.  As Jean Ross Peterson observes: “Chores begin when your child can pick it up, put it away, fold, sort it, or carry it out the door.”

The picture above is a guide so don’t feel restricted if you haven’t got this started. Expectations as to what jobs children can do will depend on family circumstances, numbers and ages of children and whether both parents work outside of the home. Whatever the circumstances, set aside time to train them in appropriate tasks. Give them space and communicate the expectation that they will soon grow into it! 

My then 3 year old used to whine and cry when she was made to pack her toys. She used to take books off the shelves and throw them all over the floor. She found it difficult to return the books back on the original shelf as she couldn’t manage the load of the other books while trying to slot the one she had in. 

The easy way was to pick up after her. But we reminded her each time to keep trying, offered some help and left her on her own. Slowly she realized how to lean the books one way and to put books in with their spines facing out. She still litters the floor today but doesn’t whine when told to pick up. It’s clear she’s acquired some confidence in this and she knows she’s expected to take care of her “library”.

Just like we take time to master any given skill and to be good at it, giving our children room and sufficient grace to grow into the rhythm of help, takes the pressure off them. 

A few months should do the trick and select one or two skills to reinforce at any given time so there will be focus. 


Most children at a school-going age are eager to participate in doing things around the house. They are usually capable helpers and you can scale up adequately with some  harder chores.

In our home, when grandpa goes on holidays, he assigns the 7 & 10yo  to help him water the plants in his garden while he’s out of the country. 

This includes the front garden, the back garden, and two balcony patios and feeding the fish in the small pond. They were taught the specific methodology of watering : which species needed less, and which more(my dad is Mr Green Fingers: plants are as important as grandchildren hehe.)

When they first started out, there were a few plants that were “slain” in the process and starved of water but slowly the kids got better. Given the ownership and responsibility, they surprised us one day by figuring out how to unlock and lock the padlock to the back door.

Incidental learning is one of the great plus points of doing chores too…they end up picking up more than you intended to teach.


This charm of helping out may last for a spell. To be honest, I have faced resistance  from older children in doing chores especially when they are NOT as eager to please and there’s competition with school activities, homework, and time with friends. During transitional phases like these, enforced schedules may not work. 

According to Fred Gosman’s “How to Be a Happy Parent”, kids can come up with ingenious ideas for avoiding their chores.  One teenager whose job was to make sure there was always toilet paper in the bathroom piled 42 rolls next to each toilet. Another left the pan unwashed because he was only supposed to do “dishes”. 

To avoid power struggles and get chores done:

 Negotiate negotiables & non-negotiables 

  • It is ok to feel tired and ask for help if you don’t feel up to it. As family, we can help to chip in.  It is NOT ok to show an attitude and be calculative. Almost always, it is likely to be a heart issue rather than a task issue and it may be wise to get to the root of it. 
  • Focus on the task at hand; rather than say “That’s so inconsiderate of you,” say, “I don’t like that I have to do my job and yours as well.”

This is our journey in chore training. Do you have any helpful handles to share? 

Singapore Kindness Run 2017 Kid’s Dash Giveaway!

Recently, I’ve taken to running and it’s taken me by surprise. 

I am glad for my creaky muscles that are overdue for conditioning. 

I am glad for my running pals; a group of super determined ladies who are so set on their goals towards better health and fitness it is inspiring. 

I am glad that this new rigour is going to get me back in shape. Every pregnancy has piled on more and more weight, and it’s about time I did something for me. 

I am glad for the mornings that I get to come off my usual routine, to spend time amidst nature. Running helps you reconnect …with yourself.

 So for all those who are hesitating to get fit for whatever reason…I do understand how you feel because for most of the years before this one, I thought the same. There’s never enough time nor energy. 

But…there’s always a first time. 

And there are always good reasons to start and a good race to start with. 

The good folks at Singapore Kindness Run 2017 have a gentle run planned for you and your little ones. Here are a few reasons why this is an awesome family run:


1. Race Etiquette Experience Zones

It’s one of the unique runs with character building and soft skills factored in. A key highlight: a dedicated Experience Zone with Experiential Learning Stations to discover  Race Etiquette Tips for little junior. Well, not surprising as this IS the Kindness Run! 

2. Kid’s Friendly Family Fun

 This could be your Little Junior’s First Run. The 800m dash is an achievable distance to start and the kids would be thrilled with this winner’s  box collectible of the adorable Singa Lion! 

More  Singa Lion!  Can’t resist. 


 3. Run by the Beach

Pasir Ris Park with its leafy greens and beachside view is a nice place to have a run. Easterners will be happy and city folks happy with the change of scene. One of my favorite places I run at every week too-away from maddening crowd!

 The familiar leafy terrain of Pasir Ris Park on a typical run morning.

Some highlights after the run include family photo opportunities with Singa the Lion and a chance to mingle with sports and celebrity ambassadors!   

Here are some FAQS answered: 

1. When will the Singapore Kindness Run 2017 be held?

The race will be held on 14th May 2017, Sunday.

2. Where will the Singapore Kindness Run 2017 be held?

Pasir Ris Park, Native Lawn (next to Car Park C).

3. How do I get to the Race:

Please make your own arrangements. You can use Google Maps and enter destination as Pasir Ris Park Carpark C for directions from your location.

4. What are the categories?

The following are the race categories for the Singapore Kindness Run 2017. There are 3 race categories. Please refer below:

10KM Men’s Open (min age 13 years or older)

10KM Womens’ Open (min age 13 years or older)

800M Kid’s Dash

7-9 years old

9-12 years old

5. How much is it to participate in the Singapore Kindness Run 2017?

Please refer to the chart below:

Category    Early Bird         Normal

10KM           $45                     $50

Bundle: 1x10KM + 1x800M

                       $70                     $75

800M Kids Dash

                       $25                     $30

6. What is the flag off times of the respective categories?

10KM – 7:00am

800M Kids Dash – 9:30am


Racing Bib with Timing Chip

Flying Cape All-you-can-Learn Buffet voucher – choose from any of the 1,200 classes and attend for free (UP: $25)

Mother Earth Healthy Snack from New Zealand  

Drawstring Bag

 Registration ends 28 April 2017.

Click here to sign up!



In addition, MOBM has one Kids Dash race for your little one (aged 7-12years) worth $30 to giveaway on the blog! 

To participate in the giveaway: 

1. Like Memoirs of a Budget Mum Facebook  & Instagram: @memoirsofabudgetmum

2. Share this blog post on your Facebook Wall and tag three friends. Remember to ensure that privacy settings are set to “Public”
For additional chance to WIN: 

3. Comment on the post here on why you and your little one would be keen to take part in the run!

 *Leave your email address so we can contact you should you win the contest!

Giveaway ends 26 April, Wednesday @6pm. All entries are to be submitted by then! 

All the Best!?

**Congratulations! Joyce Loh! 

Teaching Children to Help at Home

My husband and I decided way back (when I decided to quit my teaching job to stay home with the kids) that we would not have a live-in helper, and model what home management would look like to our kids. 

The principle was simple: if we, as parents, modeled what it looked like to manage our homes, it would be natural for the children to pick it up as a part of life. We believed and still do, that this would sustain our household to be self-sufficient in the long run. It would also train the children to be independent and know how to pick up after themselves. Collectively, we learn to serve one another. 

  That was at least seven years back. We have since moved from our cosy flat to live in with my parents in their landed home. The area has expanded and so has our family size. For awhile, it was tempting to call for help. Before we decided yet again to manage on our own despite having a relatively young family. 

Most people look aghast when they find out we do not have any help managing a household of 7. Some parents have asked me to share my strategies on how I “get” my kids to do chores. Some have even quipped mock seriously that they might like their kids to come by for “bootcamps” to pick up these skills. 

To be honest, I don’t have any formulaic strategy to impart. I do not even have a  basic chore chart or roster (am organizational-phobic in that way). But by and large, we get by, and we are ploughing through with this somehow. 

Are the kids happy to help out? I would say yes, with exceptions for when they are tired or grumpy.  

There’s still so much work in progress but what sees us through are our convictions and some guiding principles. These frame our mindset towards our philosophy of household management: 

1. Everyone should chip in to help around the house. 

This burden of work shouldn’t fall on one person alone (mom or maid or grandma etc) but be shared by every family member. Many hands make work light. 

2. A cheerful & helpful spirit

It’s not so important what you do but it’s the willingness and cheerfulness behind it that we hope to cultivate. It is the practical application of Colossians 3:23: “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,..”. Do it not because you are MADE to do it, but because you would be happy to. 

3. Don’t make it a “chore”

Ah…the word “chores”, sound well, tiresome, before you even start. I try not to use this word if I can help it. 

When the kids were younger, I often found opportunities to reframe household tasks. I might add an element of fun to the task especially with young children and allow them achievable tasks so they can accomplish them. This makes them want to do it! 

More importantly, I would invite them to be a part of what I was doing. The focus is not on the task at hand, but the time we spend doing it together. 

4. Going beyond the call of duty

I have kind of avoided a roster with fixed chores. This is specific to my nature as a big picture person. However, it does have hidden benefits: it corrects the thinking that your duty is done when you’re done with what’s assigned as opposed to being ready to help when help is needed. 

5. Show Appreciation 

This is not a strategy. It is genuinely what we feel must be done when someone in the family takes the effort to do a task, regardless of how “well” the task is done. Giving children a sense of responsibility for what they can accomplish on their own without assistance,does a great deal for their confidence. It’s important to let the child see that his contribution is valued or valuable.

In the next post, I will share more about the specifics of how we do it in our household. Do share some of the ideas that work in your family!

A Journalist for a Day (!) and other Great Reasons to Visit SmartKids Asia 2017

Media Invite 

The March Holidays is here and there’s an exciting round-up at SmartKids Asia 2017 for the whole family! Hailed as the continent’s “biggest educational kids fair”, SmartKids Asia back this year from 17 to 19 March 2017 at Singapore Expo Hall 6 and there’s much to do and look forward to!  


Here’s our family’s take on some of the best highlights of this year’s installment: 

1. Be a Roving WWII Reporter (New!)

Nothing beats experiential learning and one steeped in history and time travel! To commemorate the 75th anniversary of the fall of Singapore, The Straits Times Young Storymakers Camp, is a two-day camp that brings young explorers back in time, and into the shoes of a war reporter.   

Participants from ages nine to 12 will get to walk through Singapore’s rich history, and learn news reporting techniques from The Straits Times journalists. This is an awesome opportunity to gain insight to the profession too!

Register here.

2. Parent your way to Success


Also making its debut is The Straits Times Parenting Masterclasses – a two-day seminar for parents to learn and discuss parenting tips from experts such as Sha-En Yeo, a positive psychology coach and award-winning author. 

The News-in-Education specialists from The Straits Times Schools Team will also discuss how news stories are useful resources for imparting character education and English language skills to pupils.

Check out the list of speakers & lineup

3. SmartKids Asia Storyland (New!)


In partnership with National Library Board, the event will unveil SmartKids Asia Storyland for the first time.

 For three days, this segment will showcase timeless classics in the form of theatrical plays and storytelling from Goldilocks & The Three Bears, Little Red Riding Hood to Hansel & Gretel, and more. 

Pororo Park Singapore, the Official Play Partner of SmartKids Asia 2017, will also be a part of SmartKids Asia Storyland presenting a rendition of Jack & The Beanstalk featuring its main character, Pororo The Penguin. 

Visitors at SmartKids Asia 2017 can also look forward to a host of other fun activities:  


1. Meet & Greet sessions

SmartKids Asia will bring forth two sets of popular characters: My Little Pony featuring Apple Jack, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash; and Pororo & Friends featuring Pororo, Krong and Petty for three days of performances and Meet & Greet sessions.   

2. Free Trial Classes

Three days of trial classes from educational and enrichment providers will happen from 10am to 8pm daily. The programmes are tailored for ages 2 – 12 years old, encompassing English, Maths, Science, technology, arts and more. Registration is available here.

3. SmartKids Asia Activity Area The Activity Area will have hands-on activities specially crafted for parents and children ages 3 to 7. Parents can look forward to arts and crafts activities such as puppet-making, cake-pop making and printmaking from partners such as Playeum, and Spurbox.

4.  Daily Lucky Draws with prizes worth more than $10,000

Visitors will be entitled to one chance in the lucky draw with every receipt of purchase. Happening daily at 7.30pm, $10,000 worth of prizes will include a family suite at Amara Sanctuary Resort worth $2,800, family passes to Bounce Singapore and many more.

5. Goodie Bag Giveaway (Worth up to $50)

With a total of 1,500 goodie bags to be given away, registrants are to redeem the Goodie Bags at the event from 10am onwards. Participants can reserve a goodie bag through pre-registration on SmartKids Asia Facebook page or be the first 200 to queue at the door. 

6.  SmartKids Asia’s Fun Passport

The Fun Passport is an interactive activity for children of all ages. Participants are to complete activities from different pit stops held at various booths. Completion of the Fun Passport entitles one to spin the prize wheel with exclusive prizes up for grabs.

7. SmartKids Asia Talent Time  

As a new stage segment, Talent Time is open to children from all walks of life to display skills and talents in the areas of dancing, singing, and playing an instrument for the coveted title of SmartKids Asia Talent Time champion. The top participants will walk away with prizes worth more than $1,000 in total. Registration is available here.

8. SmartKids Asia Art Contest 

In partnership with The Dim Sum Place, a new F&B joint by the creators of The Ramen Stall, the art competition caters to children ages 9 – 12 to showcase their creativity at SmartKids Asia. The top 10 winners will walk away with retail vouchers from The Dim Sum Place worth more than $500 and more. Register here.

9. Stabilo Junior Colouring Contest  

SmartKids Asia and Stabilo is introducing a Colouring Contest for children in the younger age group of 5 to 8 years old. Happening on all three days, the winners of the contest will walk away with prizes worth more than $500 in total. Registration is available here

**Bonus fun FREE Inflatables!!  

Hope to see you there! 

For more information on the latest updates and event highlights, visit or

I’m a Social Media “Mom”Derator

Social Media has been both a boon and a bane in my life. Being a stay-home mum, who’s mostly home bound with the kids or otherwise shuttling around with errands to run, leaves me very little time to connect face to face with friends and the “outside world”. Believe you me, it’s been challenging.   Logistically, it has been hard to find a sweet spot in my schedule for “me” or “we” time, if any at all. The truth is, I have come to terms with the stark reality that without technology, I might have very well become a primordial cave woman, stuck in the trenches of my own jungle. 

Like it or not, Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, Snapchat(the list goes on), have all been ubiquitous features of modern digital survival that we live and breathe with.

This joke is a case in point:  


Social Media & Me

These social media platforms function so efficiently to “feed” me information, updates or photos of my friends’ activity and help me feel more in touch with them in the midst of my grinding routines and chores. 

I never have to worry about missing another birthday as Facebook reminds me so. 

I am also reminded of “memories” of what I said in status updates yonks ago. Occasionally, a cute picture of my now grown-up kid crops up, together with mom-guilt regarding the fun and crafty things I USED to and no longer do when I had more energy and fewer children. 

FB Messenger helps me to network efficiently. I can drop a text instantly in such a way that makes email feel snail-crawlingly slow.

 Instastories show me live snippets condensed in 5seconds of airtime and I can “follow” people I like from all over the world without so much as moving an inch.

  Image credit: Mashable  

As a blogger and writer serving the needs of my clients online, I am further vested to read more widely and deeply, mostly from online sources and links. 

I do confess enjoying exchanging quick texts and messages on my social media groups on WhatsApp that help me move the social pinwheels of my life, slowly but surely. I have multiple social groups on a myriad of topics and with various people that revolve around all my direct needs in life: education, faith, exercise, prayer, friendship, business.

 Amongst a group of us mums, we joke and banter with one another like we would face-to-face in a cafe–except that we’re not in a cafe, but a chat group. And only in the digital economy of today, can we describe and identify with how an “existential and ephemeral space” like a chat group, can actually feel nice, warm and cozy. 

At the risk of sounding like a technological luddite, how can this possibly be?

 There’s nothing remotely welcoming within the hollow echoes of chat room walls apart from cutesy or pretty wallpaper we can choose to download…but how is it that we can actually connect intimately, deeply, and superficially all at the same time?   Image: Cute Bebe Kitty

How is it that something that brings me such exponential good and convenience can also bring some equally dilemmatic and compromising concerns as well? 

Social Media “Mom”derator

The dilemma started when I became a social media “mom”derator to my 13 year old who recently acquired a mobile device of her own.

 I’ve purposefully played on the word “moderator” because it is undeniably and shockingly apt. Ever since my daughter started to be the first child in our family to be using a phone, we’ve have invested hours on end researching strategies to moderate her use of it, whether it is through reading and formulating social media contracts, trying out parenting control apps, setting time-outs and implementing privacy boundaries. 

Image: Netgear

In doing so, it feels like we have unlocked the dimensions to a whole new parenting universe; finding ways to keep up with social media controls and up the ante on our technological backwardness! 

Why are we struggling? It’s obvious that the same staggering convenience opens up the Pandora’s box to a host of other not-so-good issues that most parents would be or should be acquainted with: digital addiction, pornography, preying, extremism, scam & fake news, cyber bullying, pornography and even (gasp) online drug purchase.   At Facebook Singapore headquarters playing with the humongous touchscreen 

Thus, when I was invited to attend a panel discussion covering issues and trends in social media use and helping children build healthy media habits, I didn’t hesitate. 

The panel discussion, entitled “How To Raise Kids Wisely in a Social Media Generation”was jointly organized by Facebook Singapore, Flying Cape and Trainium Academy, and supported by the Media Literacy Council

Facilitated by Trainium Academy founder Mr Eugene Seah, the panel comprised the following panelists from the Media Literacy Council:

  • Mr Alvin Tan, Head of Public Policy, South East Asia Facebook
  • Ms Iris Lin, Head of Youth Services, Fei Yue 
  • Walter Lim, Founder, Cooler Insights who shares the finer points of discussion here

 Held at Facebook Singapore Headquarters, it pieced together some insights for me. Here are my key takeaways in three Ps: 

1. Plug into Relationships

The greatest asset we can create for our children in the digital age is the security and solidarity of our relationship.

More than ever before, our children and teens are looking outward for affirmation and something to rest their identity upon. They are constantly saturated with all kinds of images, influences and ideas in a one stop multi-sensory click. 

In a transient online world where things are here today and gone in 30 seconds, tangible real life relationships are what counts and helps them anchor themselves and balance their perspectives. 

Parents need to set boundaries for our children and observe their online and offline behavior. We need to plug in…less into our devices but more into our relationships with our kids. 

When we set rules and guidelines, we need to walk the talk ourselves and model what good online habits are. In managing their social media challenges, this quote says it well: 

“Rules with relationship lead to respect.

“Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.”

2. Protect with Parental Guidance 

Protection is not a bad word. There are so many things we can do to prepare a safe place for children to connect healthily online.   Image: Kapersky Kids

We can start by using privacy settings on our computers or blocking sites with unsavory content as far as we can. We can use time limits to moderate healthy versus excessive screentime.

We can take interest in reviewing the kind of material, movies, you tube vids our kids are watching or keen to watch, and share with them our viewpoints on what is desirable, what is not and how to discern between the two. 

We can teach them the lens from which to view what they read online with a critical eye. How do we discern real from fake? What makes this piece of news balanced and credible? Should we rant online? How do we use it social media positively?  

The key thing is to educate rather than evade. Rather than merely setting limits, take a keen interest in understanding social media trends and bring them up for discussion at the dinner table. 

3.  Personify our values 

 Image: Media Literacy Council

The evidence is clear. There’s really no room for distracted parenting. If we have heard cries from our kids to “Put the phone away Mom, when I’m talking” and we rationalize or justify it as multitasking, , we might be missing the point. 

We could be subtly rejecting communication and it makes our children feel invisible. Soon, they too might be drawn by the allure of media devices, and  use them as substitutes for unmet attention and affirmation. That would be a sad, sad day. 

Here are some pro-tips for us to personify the values of responsible media use as adults to our children. 

Image: Media Literacy Council

With the March holidays getting ready to roll, let’s give our children a gift that’s priceless, and worth more than any data plan. It is the gift of our presence: by plugging into them and taking interest in what they are doing, providing parental guidance and personifying our walk so that they know we mean what we say!!

**The Media Literacy Council has produced an excellent online resource called Clique Click: Bringing up Children in the Digital Age which is available here

Highly recommended:

Why Change in the Education System Really Starts from Within Us

Each of us are change agents and change in the education system must start from within. Today’s performance of “Don’t Kancheong, Kiasu, Kiasi” drove this point home well.

A collaboration between 100 Voices and Bud’s Theatre with support by education platform Flying Cape; the interactive play held in forum theatre style, swiftly brought to fore hot button issues in education through familiar scenarios involving key stakeholders in the education system–students, parents, employers, educators and the education ministry.

The plot holds a mirror up to the current educational reality: escalating stress on our young, high parental expectations, KPI-driven education, weary teachers and jaded employers.

As a former educator and mum of five children (with children both homeschooling and in school), the script and action resonated on many fronts. The lines are familiar ones that I could have uttered from my own mouth as a Singaporean parent finding my footing in a Kancheong, Kiasu, Kiasi landscape. Here are some choice scenes:

Scene 1:  Tommy, just 10 years old has just failed his exam and his mother is having a fit over it. She hurls her worries and exasperation at Tommy’s father, who doesn’t seem to think it’s much of an issue. They can’t agree on how to respond to their son’s poor grades.

“Boy, if you don’t do well, you probably need to…have tuition.”says his weary father, not because he really believes tuition to be the remedy but because it could be the one solution to calm his livid wife. Frustrated Tommy, who sees his parents quarrelling, feels sorry for the trouble he’s caused and threatens suicide. 

Scene 2: Tommy’s form teacher is hurled an email and called to the Principal’s office to account for the suicide threat. 

 “When something good happens it’s always about good parenting or our good school system, but when something goes wrong, it’s always the teacher’s fault.”, she laments as she feels the weight of the system bearing down on her, piling on more responsibility than she is comfortable with. One blindspot she says is, “All parents want their kids to be number one. The only problem is there can only ever be one number one.”

Scene 3: The Principal meets her Superintendent who moots the idea of a (gasp)”suicide seminar”. “Our education system is the best.”says the official, obviously proud of the system’s efficacy and reputation across the world. He speaks of the latest changes: “With the new PSLE scoring system, let’s hope parents will stop pressurizing their children to chase the last mark?”


Scene 4: Tommy’s mother, who also holds a management position in an SME, bemoans to her HR manager the hiring woes she’s faced in employing locals. “…Every top scholar seems to come from China or India. I’m not going to hire locals, they are just too troublesome. When was the last local we hired? “James Lee Wei Wen.” How long? 15 days. Why? He quit to go scuba diving in the Philippines. ”  

Thrust into the thick of this action, the play invites the audience to “act” on the outcome. 

Traditionally, forum theatre, otherwise known as the “theatre of the oppressed” demands audience members to be change agents. The audience can stop a performance, suggest different actions for the actors to carry out on-stage or reenact a portion of the play. 

The interventionist nature of the play incites change and invokes action– which quite a number of audience members readily engaged in. Surprisingly, many spoke up, which is good, as change must always start with conversations. 

This is also why the play’s format is appealing: it nudges us to stop being passive consumers within the education system and to merely sit back, watch and complain. Given the power to change the plot, it is no longer acceptable to be an armchair critic or inert byproducts of a system that manufactures consent. 

In fact, it is not enough to speak up for change…we have to BE that change. 

That is the mental mindset we need to overcome. 

Rather than push the blame if you are a parent to the school, or as a teacher to the system, or as a ministry to the parents or as employers to the greater universe, we can start with ourselves. How can we invoke change where we already are? 

The play reminds us of the complex interactions between all stakeholders in education, pulling us into an intriguing exchange of perspectives. By representing the myriad of constraints and considerations on all ends, we get a glimpse of what attitudes and mindsets may ultimately inhibit us from moving forward. 

 Undeniably though, we HAVE inched closer in stitching together the fabric of conversations and I am grateful to the good people from 100 Voices for leading that change. 

The greatest tragedy that could result from this would be to make this a play that is “all talk, but no action”. 

We need to take action: to be that curious and unfazzled student, that supportive parent, that enlightened educator and employer.  Perhaps we don’t need the education ministry to first lead the way because real change begins with us.

 Image credit: Flying Cape

A Pressure Cooker Education System? #Giveaway# Tickets to “Don’t Kancheong, Kiasu, Kiasi.”

Today I asked my 10 year old son, who has attended Singapore mainstream school for a year, Australian public school for another and homeschooled locally thereafter; whether he thinks education in Singapore is “stressful”…like a pressure cooker.  Image credit:

 This is his reply: 

[About homeschooling]: 

– “I like it coz we get to breathe fresh air…not “stress-air”…you know?”

– I get to do other things I like (hobbies) and spend more time with my family.

[Three things that can be done to relieve the pressure:]

– “MOE should make students feel that going to school is like going to play. It helps us that way.”

– “More outdoor time. Not just work work work.”

– “To have teachers that are really inspired by the syllabus. (“You mean you think some teachers are not?” I say) …yup, some teachers don’t inspire. If they were, they would teach from the heart. And not try to make it stressful.”

These insights are keenly felt for a little boy his age but I’m sure he’s not the only one feeling this way. The truth is, everyone of us, has something or other to say about the Singapore education system. More often than not though, we keep our grumbling to ourselves, nag out our frustrations on our kids and try to keep the lid of pressure down with remedies like tuition while trying to remind ourselves not to be caught up in the educational arms race. To be honest, nobody really wants to be left-behind and we end up like hamsters in a spin wheel trying to keep up. At the heart of the issue is: what drives us to be “kancheong”, “kiasu”or “kiasi” or rather, how NOT to be?

Well, a group of good people have come together to start this much-needed conversation. 


100 Voices, a parent-led advocacy group, together with Buds Theatre, are bringing to you “Don’t Kancheong, Kiasu, Kiasi”, an interactive production based an original piece written by Stanley Seah, conceptualised by Jack Sim (100 Voices) & Claire Devine (BTC).  This forum theatre play aims to challenge perspectives and help the audience to recognise the need for a more open and accepting society  and examine our educational challenges as a nation. I caught up with Dean Yap, founding member of 100 Voices who shares more about this production: 

1. In a nutshell, why this play and why forum theatre? What is at the heart of this work? 

For years, we have been in pressure-cooker education environment. There has been a lot of talk on this, but the situation remains. Why? Education is a complex subject involving many stakeholders. There is no single solution. To reform this, we need to have deep conversations with all stakeholders, so we grow understanding and empathy for each other. Only then, can we effect changes. 

“Don’t Kancheong, Kiasu & Kiasi’ facilitates this conversation by giving every stakeholder a voice to engage with one another.

2. What stories, narratives & conversations does this work hope to bring out? 

The actors will demonstrate the challenges and conflicts in the 4 acts below. 

– a family quarrelling over a child’s exam results.

– an overwhelmed teacher struggling with self-harming students.

– a Principal and MOE Director at a loss to eliminate youth suicides.

– a worry-stricken CEO who can’t find innovative local employees.

Audience can share their opinions, change the scenarios or offer alternative solutions to the actors in the hope of producing new outcomes. 

The forum theatre format helps us to see the perspectives of different stakeholders and start a conversation on the baseline of empathy and betterment. We hope the audience will walk away with broader perspectives and greater empathy for all stakeholders. We hope the work can trigger deeper self reflection and drive changes in our behavior that can alleviate pressure experienced by our children. We hope the audience can see the great misunderstanding that results in misaligned goals, which drive us all into a narrow rat race and pressure-cooker education culture.

3. Who should attend and why? 

Parents, children, youths, teachers, principals, MOE policy makers, college enrollment officers, recruiters, employers should watch this play as they are influential actors at different stages and parts of education system. 

If we can start off by understanding challenges faced by each stakeholder, we can then take the conversation to deeper level to uncover underlying reasons (or triggers). From there, we can explore solutions to reform our education in impactful and inclusive manner. Reform comes from everyone taking his/her own actions to make changes in alignment.

4. Three fun facts about the production 

1. You (the audience) don’t have to sit still and keep quiet throughout the play, unlike the typical performances.

2. You are the Director! You get to tell actors what to do.

3. Your suggestions will be heard by MOE Officials for consideration in shaping the education system.

You will get to know others who face similar challenges like you – you can take heart that you are not alone!

<<*Giveaway* >>2 Tickets to watch “Don’t KKK” on Sunday, 26 Feb 2017, 3pm

To enter the giveaway: 

1. Copy and Share this link on your Facebook Profile (Set to Public) 

2. Leave a comment on what makes you kancheong, kiasu or kiasi as a parent!

*The giveaway will end on Wednesday, 22 February. 

Tickets can be purchased here

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